Operation Egg Basket (A Story of Mundane Proportions)

So I'm acutely aware of my slacking off when it comes to blogging.  There.  I admit it.  I have had writer's block...not that there has been a lack of amusing anecdotes to recount or clever conversations to record.  I've just not been, well, inspired.  And do I need inspiration!!   I guess I need to give myself permission to tell stories that (to me) fall into the mundane category on the excite-o-meter.  Do you mind?  I'll try to make it fun....

And here's the latest news from our Farm Correspondent, the Farmer's Daughter.....

Well, thanks for that introduction.  It's raining ....again.  Outdoor chores are called off for the day.  But earlier in the week, Cowboy and I found ourselves in the midst of a puzzling situation.   Let me start at the beginning.  Early this week Cowboy asked me how many eggs I'd just gathered.

"21," I answered.

"Don't we have more hens than that?"

"Yes.  I'm afraid we have a problem."

I went on to explain that we should be (but weren't) getting at least 3 dozen eggs daily and that I'd been finding at least one messy egg a day....messy, like covered in yolk.  But no broken shells scattered about, no guilty-looking, egg-sucking weasels lurking in the shadows.

Weird?  Maybe, but I had a theory...

A serial egg killer

I decided to conduct a stakeout......Operation Egg Basket

Day one:  Even before I set up the stakeout location, I caught Mrs. Leghorn in action!  The young white hen was witnessed carrying a freshly broken, partially eaten egg in her beak.  Wow!  That was easy!!!  She was promptly removed from chicken society.  The details are too graphic to mention.

Back at the station I decided to do a little detective work.  I researched the internet for information on egg-eating hens.  I learned:

Fact #1   Hens will eat an egg that has been broken in the laying process or eggs with shells that are too soft.

I made a note:  make sure nesting boxes have a thick layer of wood shavings.
Another note:  be sure to offer calcium-rich oyster shells when I feed.

Fact #2   Hens can pick up the bad habit from hanging around other hens who commit such a crime.

I made another note:  You think the problem is solved with the elimination of Mrs. Leghorn?  Think again!!

Day two:  I planted a decoy.  A brown ceramic egg, looking just like it came from a Rhode Island Red, was placed in an empty nest.  I sat on an overturned feed bucket and watched from the shadows.  Chickens came in and out, in and out.  Suddenly, in strutted the small, black Mrs. Sumatra.  She hesitated at the door, nervously looking about the room.  She jumped into the box containing the decoy.  My pulse quickened.  I kept my focus on her every jerking movement.  She situated her body over the decoy and sat on it.  Perhaps it's too life-like?

Oh well.  I let her be while I observed the behavior of the other cackling hens. One Rhode Island Red hen in the one of the top nesting boxes raised up, plopped out a glossy egg and cackled loudly.  Just then an Ameraucana hen rushed into that very nesting box with obvious intent to do egg-ily harm.  I jumped up and snatched her by her legs and dragged her from the scene.  I felt very confident that she was indeed the perpetrator and that the serial egg-killing would stop.

Day three:  No stakeout....but there should have been!  We had a report of egg yolk in a nesting box on the lower west side.

Day four:  Stakeout.  No decoy.  My neighbor was assigned to sit in the stakeout with me (well, she volunteered).  Several suspects matching the description were seen in the vicinity of the yolk-soaked box.  We noted nothing unusual about their behavior however, and watched several hens lay eggs.  We broke for lunch.  After lunch we found the remains of yet another broken egg.  We set up surveillance (a trail camera with video capabilities).

After going through all the surveillance footage we've gathered to date, we are still not able to identify any suspect.  Evidence is inconclusive at this time.  But rest assured, we will get to the bottom of this.

file photo

Have I been watching too many police shows?

Today's Episode of "The Farmer's Daughter"

In the spirit of the popular reality drama shows.....

Narration by:  a voice that sounds like Paul Christie (the guy who narrates Gold Rush Alaska)

"Today on the Farmer's Daughter...."

"Awakened at 3:15 am by a back spasm, Farmer's Daughter tosses and turns trying to find a comfortable position so she can fall back asleep.  It hasn't even occurred to her that her spasm stemmed from a careless maneuver the previous day...."

{Scene from yesterday's hidden camera:  Farmer's Daughter thoughtlessly lifting and carrying the shopvac to the truck instead of dragging it across the gravel drive}

"Catching a few more minutes sleep proves difficult when the dogs start fighting on the back porch.  Farmer's Daughter reluctantly gets up and puts on her robe.  The clock reads 5:15am and the eastern sky is just barely getting light."

{Camera follows her to the back porch where she lets the dogs outside.  They all chase the white cat into the barn}

"As she begins the morning routine, she realizes that the dishwasher was not run the day before:  the coffee pot is dirty, not usable until it's washed.  She knows that washing it properly will delay the brewing process so she opts to rinse it; a procedure she has secretly done countless times.  With the quick rinse complete, she inspects the interior of the pot; and satisfied with the results,  she activates the coffee brewing sequence."

{Camera shows her putting way too much cream and sugar into her coffee}

+++Commercial break---probably some teeth whitening product+++

"After her 3rd loaded cup of coffee, and having done her quiet time, Farmer's Daughter sorts a load of laundry.  When she opens the lid of the washing machine, she finds a full load of towels ready to wash.  She clearly doesn't remember the towels and gives Princess a sideways look.  The load she just sorted will have to wait until the towels are done...a delay she can't afford...but one that is unavoidable."

{Camera shows her watching the news and then follows her to the chicken house where she feeds the hens}

"Aware that she is behind schedule, she skips a crucial step in the feeding:  checking the water fountain....a move that will cause yet another set-back later in her day.  From the chicken house she makes her way to the clothes line and hangs both loads of laundry on the line."

{Camera jumps scene to show her carrying a big muck bucket to the front flower bed}

"Frustrated that her flower bed is overrun by renegade ground-covering weeds, Farmer's Daughter feverishly pulls the weeds and puts them into the giant bucket.  Her nose is running because of allergies.  Neighbors drop by to say hi.  She checks her watch...she will not make her 10:00 deadline.  She apparently doesn't care and stops to take a break."

{Camera follows her into the house and into the living room}

"She watches a cooking show online and heads back out finish the flower bed.  Even though she has only a small portion of the bed left to clear, she decides not to pull weeds.  Instead she starts to wash the 3rd truck (having washed 2 yesterday).  Visits from a girlfriend and then from her parents, Farmer and Farmer's Wife, put the truck washing on hold."

+++Commercial break---probably some kind of taco dinner+++

"She takes the Farmer and Farmer's Wife around the place to show them flowers and trees that are blooming.  They want to see the chickens.  As they all admire the chickens, Farmer's Daughter sees that the chickens' water fountain is bone-dry.  Now she has to interrupt the visit with her parents to do what should have been done that morning.  She fills their fountain; the chickens are so thirsty that they drink the water as it pours from the bucket.  It's an 80 degree March day."

{Camera pans out as Farmer and Farmer's Wife pull out of the drive way}

"Before the Farmer's Daughter heads out to finish washing the truck, she makes her way into the family's only bathroom.  The unthinkable happens...no toilet paper left on the roll.  And to make matters worse, no toilet paper in the vanity.  This is a major complication.  She calls Princess at work (knowing that such a call could find Princess in hot water with her bosses) to ask her to pick up toilet paper on the way home."

{Camera shows an uncomfortable Princess at the Law Firm on her cell phone}

"Princess tells Farmer's Daughter that there is still a lot of toilet paper in storage in the basement.  Relieved, Farmer's Daughter restocks the bathroom toilet paper supply."


There were so many more dramatic developments in my day...but it's LATE so I'm gonna have to continue this later....

I'm Going to DO IT ALL!

Today has shown itself to be completely random.  There are days when each activity flows seamlessly into the next all culminating into a well-orchestrated day  ...yeah, well this ain't one of  'em.

This is a total "bonus" day.  Mid-March in the Midwest and it's 72 degrees out!  I started the day with bold plans, as usual!   Read this with a starry-eyed, dreamy voice:

I'm going to do ALL the wash and hang it on the line...fresh of sunshine!

I'm going to wash my truck and EVEN wash one of Cowboy's trucks.

I'm going to open all the windows in the house & clean from top to bottom.

I'm going to finish up ALL the paperwork and file it neatly away.

I'm going to go through some old stuff and organize it.

I'm going to pull weeds in ALL the flower beds.

I'm going to do some more writing.

I'm going to DO IT ALL!

I think it's 4 loads.

Here's my pretty truck

All the wash is done and on the line.  The dogs found a crawdad to torment; I put an end to that.  Dogs go in, crawdad stays out.  

The kitchen's a mess but, trucks are washed (not as good as they could be...I don't want that job permanently---can't do too good a job).  

Lars...what a guy!

I did manage to feed the chickens...haven't gathered eggs, though.

Maple...budding!

I managed to get a few pictures taken

Now I've gotta fold all those clothes and put them away.  Blah.  The insides of the trucks look like they need scooped out.  Blah.  House is so not clean. Blah.  Papers are scattered, weeds are photosynthesizing, it's 3:00 and I'm pooped.  No seamless flow from task to task, no whistling while I work.  Blah!   What did I expect of myself at age plenty-eight?  Perfection, that's what!  Epic fail.