What Finally Did It? Was It Jealousy? The Empty Nest?

Things change.  Kids grow up and leave the nest. The nest lets out a sigh as if to say, "Whew! I thought they would never leave!"  I thought I was prepared for the empty nest time of life.  Time to myself. Time to pursue my photographer/farmer/artist/author/bakery/antique store dream. Not having to keep track of every. person's. schedule.  Free!  Free is good, right?  Right!?

Sometimes the empty-nest-reality hits hard when I remember (all over again) that there are no more kids under our roof...like when the school closings scroll along the bottom of the TV screen.  I loved the stage of life when our nest was full.  I miss those days more often than I thought I would.  This winter has been especially hard.  I snapped.  I just snapped.

What did it?

JEALOUSY

Cowboy is always teasing -- like rubbing it in -- that Aussie Pup is his "personal" dog.

It's true.

That dog stays by Cowboy's side, anticipating his every move.  He goes with us... everywhere....making sure Cowboy and I don't sit together.  If Cowboy and I sneak in a hug, that dog becomes a canine crowbar to pry us apart. If I walk near Cowboy's chair, Aussie Pup runs interference.  If Cowboy has to leave Aussie home with me, that nutty dog mopes and watches out the window.  When Cowboy calls me from another room, that bossy dog barks and comes to find me and nudges me in Cowboy's direction.  Aussie thinks he's better than me. 

Oh, but do you think it's all Aussie's fault?

You be the judge:

Dead of winter. Record cold. Riding in the truck. Heater on high. Fan on full-blast. Got the picture?  Suddenly Aussie starts panting. Oh no!!  Is he too hot?  Just as suddenly, the windows come down to cool things off.  Did anyone wonder whether I'd be too cold with all that wind blowing on me?  Dog. comes. first.  Aussie looks smugly at me. He knows he's top dog.

Ok..that's the only example I can call to mind. So maybe I'm being too sensitive.

That brings me to the jealous part.  {Will I ever understand myself?}

Am I jealous that Aussie loves Cowboy more than he does me?  or... am I jealous of all the attention he gets? .... or am I jealous that I don't have a "personal" dog?

This is getting too intense...I'll have deal with those questions later....

THE EMPTY NEST

It's hard to step out of the role of parent.  We've become the kind of empty-nesters that turn our pets into our new kids.

"I got Aussie Pup a half-order of biscuits and gravy."

"Save half of your steak for Aussie Pup."

"Let me tell you some cute stuff Aussie Pup did."

"Can't Aussie Pup go on vacation with us?"

"He understands what I'm saying!"

No really...he does!  I'm serious.  Want some evidence?  Let me brag on him:

1st case:  Last fall while looking out the window at the apple trees I said to Cowboy, "Look at all those apples under the tree.  I'll pick apples tomorrow."  Tomorrow came. I grabbed the plastic clothes basket and Aussie and I headed out the door.  He ran ahead right to the tree I spoke of the night before and waited for me.  Coincidence?

2nd case: Cowboy hollered to me, "Take the little truck down and open that far gate!"  Aussie ran ahead of me and waited beside the little truck.  Believe it or not.

He's so smart....but he loves Cowboy more.

Two things I know:  I need a personal dog.  I need to fill my nest.  Are you connecting some dots?

So I snapped..... my next post will fill you in on the details.